We Are Forever
by harrietspecter
Summary: You're with him all the time, your life revolves around him... maybe that's the problem? A Harvey/Donna #Darvey fic
1. Love

_You are with him all the time, you're life revolves around him._

That was just the problem. No matter where or what she was doing, it was all impacted by that god damn man, whom she walked up into a bar twelve years ago. Self-confident, self-absorbed, arrogant, stubborn, handsome... so, so _handsome_.

So much so that she was consumed. So consumed that she couldn't imagine her life without him. His small moles above his crinkled eyebrow, next to that small scar from we he was only eight. Just the little things, the things that no one else would notice or even acknowledge. Thats why she was different. She knew him better than he would ever know himself.

They weren't a couple, not even close. But they were as close as any two people could be, without being _that_. Not that Donna hadn't thought about it. And she had, numerous times. Much more than she would care to admit. A small house just outside Manhatten, the pitter patter of a tiny Harriet and Gordon Specter's running up and down the hard wood floors in the hallway beside their bedroom. Both with strawberry blonde locks, and eyes that would make anybody melt. Pure.

She was embarrassed by these thoughts, she couldn't let them consume her professional relationship with him. And for the past twelve years, not including _the other time_ she had managed to do that.

As she tried to force her eyes closed for another five minutes whilst snuggled up in her bedspread, images flashed through her mind of him, and that reoccurring dream in which she was yet to shake from her nights.

He had no idea; but even if he did, Harvey wasn't like that. Harvey was the man who would rather spend a night gambling away thousands of dollars at a Poker Table with men double his age, sipping on scotch, and occasionally emclosing/em the waitress or some other lady who caught his eye rather than settling down to a meal with his wife after putting his children to bed. But Donna was too easy, she was always there. That wouldn't be a challenge for him. In his mind, they had everything. What more could he want from his secretary of twelve years. Anything else would spoil it. He didn't see her like that, but Donna knew that he was capable of it, if he wasn't blinded by her commitment to him.

And that's when it happened. That's when she **left him**.

Not because of anything that Harvey did, more for what she was afraid of what would happen. Those dreams, they appeared on a more regular basis, and it started to scare Donna, because she was unable to delve into those thoughts.

And with this regularly occurring dreams, it forced her further away from him and her job.

Donna's worst nightmare was for something to happen, for there to be a lapse in inhibitions, and for that small moment to ruin twelve years. All it had to be was a split second silence, or a question without an answer, as simple as a eye-contact.

Donna realised that she had no way to live her life, as a single forty-year-old women, in New York; childless, and now, ultimately, jobless.

Harvey and Donna hadn't had a conversation since that late night in her office, where all her fears came to life, and she choked out the words neither thought would ever been spoken - "I'm leaving you Harvey, I can't do this anymore".

Donna didn't have a reason, but she did know that she couldn't ignore the elephant in the room; raw and unfocused - her love for Harvey Reginald Specter.

* * *

It was 7am Monday morning, and it was Donna's first day as an unemployed woman. Although she left her resignation letter on Jessica's and had a late Friday night, Scotch-induced conservation with Harvey, she hadn't heard from either.

As she rolled out of her bed, and into the shower, the sun began to shine through the fogged window. The small sleep-in she received this morning, was a blessing in disguise. Her normal schedule involved a 5am yoga session in the park, followed by breakfast, and into the office by 7:30am. This morning had been disjointed, and unorganised, but none of these small issues bother her slightly.

The shower was followed by a breakfast, and then a small bit of morning television.

Interrupted by a banging noise at her door.

Behind the door was the woman, _Jessica Pearson_.

"Do you want to explain what this is?" she demanded, pushing open the door and stepping in forcefully into Donna's apartment.

"You know what it is..." Donna explained, sitting back on her lounge.

"And why was it on my desk. Donna, did you cross the line? Did he do something? Tell me, and I can fix it. It will be a lot easier than trying to fix Harvey; he'll be an absolute mess."

"Harvey didn't do anything, and no we didn't cross the line; I just needed a change." Donna lied.

"I'm not an idiot Donna, and I don't appreciate you lying to me. You have, once or twice; and I want to know the real reason why you are quitting. Does Harvey know yet? Because I will not be the person to have that conversation."

Memories from the last twelve years of her life flushed through her mind; all the conversations, lost moments and stolen glances.

"I just couldn't do it anymore." Donna held back tears in front of her old boss. "It was all me, and I just needed a change. I told him last night, it's okay Jessica."

"Okay" Jessica was still unsure, "I have to head in the office, I'm sure I'll see you there sooner rather than later. Take care of yourself Donna."

Jessica made her way down the hallway, showing herself out of Donna's apartment. Donna remained on her lounge, no longer focused on the television, and now; again thinking about him.

It was almost 8am, and to be honest, she was surprised she hadn't heard from Harvey. Donna decided to get changed and head to the shops, hoping for a time when Harvey wasn't in the office to go back and collect her things. She also didn't feel in the mood to explain to Louis, or Rachel, or even Mike. Leaving her family at the firm would honestly be one of the hardest things she had ever done in her life.


	2. Realisation

"Lydia, thanks for a lovely night, but I have to be into the office in an hour, so you're going to have to go".

"Oh, Harvey, come on." Lydia said, standing up and leaning into the crevice on Harvey's neck, slurrying the _come on_ dragging each syllable with a hot breath, almost making Harvey shiver.

"As much as I would love to stay, I really can't. I need to go and talk to my secretary."

"Fine".

As he showed Lydia out of his penthouse, he headed back into his bathroom to fix his hair and brush his teeth. Following this, he grabbed his coat and headed down the elevator. The early morning sun blasted onto the outside of Ray's car, and Harvey pulled his sunglasses from the inside of his coast and slid into his ride.

"Morning Ray, Donna's apartment please".

"Can I ask why?" Ray replied, as he merged into the morning traffic.

"No." Harvey abruptly replied, delving his attention into his mobile phone.

15 odd minutes later, Ray's car came to a stop, indicating to Harvey that they were at his destination. He thanked Ray and exited the car, bounding straight into Donna's apartment block, up the elevator towards apartment 306. As he reached the door, he placed five knocks on the wooden barrier, with no answer. The first thing that popped into his mind was; she didn't leave him, she was sitting at her desk, organising his day, and waiting for him to enter the office. With this thought, he rushed back down the elevator, and out of the apartment and back into Ray's car and headed straight to the office.

As Harvey made his way to the 50th floor, rushing out of the elevator, even ignoring the silver letters spelling his surname on the wall which normally attracted at least a glance every morning. As he paced down the hall towards his corner office, his eyes were unable to find the redhead he was eerily waiting for. He was unsure of his schedule for the day, and even unable to found out. When he entered his office, he found his schedule laid out on several pieces of paper with important phone numbers, and basically everything he needed in order to carry out his normal job for the next few days. But no Donna. She obviously must have done this at some stage, or even before she left; before she broke what they had, and honestly, _broke his heart._

Underneath all the paper, was a small sticky note; with Donna's hand writing which his instantly recognised.

 _Harvey, this is everything you need for the next few days, please just give me a few days, and don't contact me. I need a break. Not for you, but from us._ \- Donna

 _Us_... _us..._ what did he do, or more importantly what didn't he do.

After sitting at his desk for a short period of time, thinking. His phone rang, and rang... and kept ringing, because his secretary wasn't there to answer. As it went to voice mail, the speaker blasted out a familiar voice; 'Harvey, I need to see you in my office'. Unmistakably, that voice belonged to Jessica Pearson. As Harvey grabbed his coat, he headed down the hallway, currently not planning to return to his office. Regardless of that message, he couldn't not see Donna, he needed to. He needed her.

"Jessica". Harvey said, opening the glass door and greeting his partner in crime.

"I thought I should at least show you this" Jessica said, holding up Donna's letter of resignation. "I went to see her this morning, and she's not coming back".

"Oh", Harvey mumbled, obviously broken. "Did she say why?"

"All she said was it had nothing to do with you, and that she just had some stuff to deal with."

"Well I have to go and see her, I have to help her change her mind." Harvey headed towards the door, to only be stopped by the wise words escaping Jessica's mouth.

"Harvey, just give her time. You two are inseparable, it won't last. But if you press the issue, it will only drive her further away."

He knew she was right. She always way. That's just the way that a woman of her calliper operated.

"Jessica, I need to see her." Harvey pleaded, tightly grasping the cold silver handle on her glass door.

"Okay, but I'm just warning you. This issue needs time, and two days over the weekend isn't enough."

* * *

As Harvey once again made his way up the elevator of Donna's apartment block; so many scenarios were rushing through his head. Should he have listened to Jessica? Probably. Was he going to try and talk to Donna anyways? Most likely.

Harvey employed his lawyer tactic pressing force onto her wooden door, and using his other hand to knock on the door.

"Coming", Donna's voice echoed down her hall.

As the pressure of the door was released, Harvey forced his body through the gap, surprising Donna and bursting into her apartment.

Before Donna could manage any words, Harvey had so many things he had to get of his chest.

"I've been to the office, I saw the note. But I couldn't not come and see you. You can't just get up and leave. I know what you said, you needed time, Jessica told me to stay away. But a late Friday night, with you and I both drinking Scotch, I didn't take you seriously. I didn't question it, but now I want an explanation, and I'm not leaving without one."

"Harvey, I..."

Donna instantly burst in to tears, unable to contain her emotions in front of the man she spent the last twelve years working for. He was pleading for an explanation, and the only reason Donna struggled to give him one, was because she didn't exactly have a clean-cut one herself. It was a collection of things. Many things in which she couldn't tell him; and ultimately, her love for him.

"Donna, I just want to know why, after all these years; you have to leave. Did I do something?"

"No" Donna mumbled, it's what you _didn't do._

"I'm going to need more than that." Harvey chuckled, his eyes sparkling, and his grin as cheeky and mischievous as always. "Tell me, so I can fix it. I can't do what I do without you."

"It's nothing specific, I just needed a change. Harvey, I'm a unmarried, single, childless 40 year old woman. It isn't enough. I want a relationship, I want a family, I want to have something definitive to live for. I want to mean something to someone." Donna pleaded, feeling like an idiot sharing this information with a man who could easily solve all her problems, if he would only see what he meant to her.

"You mean something to me." Harvey said, and for a second, she almost believed him. That was the problem, he would always come out with these meaningful one liners which would make her think that maybe one day something would come of it. She knew by now that it was just a tactic to keep her with him, no connections, and no meaningful relationship, and nothing more than a work related friendship.

"You know what, stop it Harvey." Donna yelled, "you can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Doing this! I have spent twelve years at your desk. Day in, day out. Sitting outside your office, and organising everything you do. That one time, _the other time,_ I felt something. For you. I thought about us. But I put it out of my mind, because I knew you weren't emotionally ready to stop your one night stands, or gambling away your money. You believed that all those nights with estranged women was more meaningful than a family, and something that actually mattered, and I accepted that. Hoping that maybe one day you would grow the hell up and stop. To realise that I loved you, for so long. I wanted to at least try, try for a relationship; to build something from the connection we developed over such a long period of time. And that's why I have to leave you. I can no longer justify putting your needs above my own personal well being and health. I need to be with someone who will love me for me, and not for what I can or cannot do. I need someone to embrace me as a human being, and understand who I am." Donna was an emotional wreck, revealing all of her weaknesses and everything she had bottled up for so long to the one man who was responsible for it all. Enough was enough.

"Donna, I... I don't know what to say. I didn't know you felt like this."

"Oh bullshit." Donna yelled in his face. "You knew, and you didn't care. You just wanted me to do everything for you, and organise your life. But you know what Harvey?"

"What, Donna." Harvey's voice was obviously filled with regret, and realisation.

"I fell in love with you. And that's why I left."

"Okay" was all Harvey could manage to voice, he was overwhelmed by everything she had confided in him, and that she felt like this.

Donna sat back on the lounge next to a distraught Harvey. Both Harvey and Donna were silent, and unsure of how to navigate the situation.

"Just go." Donna pleaded, as she could feel Harvey's eyes staring into the side of her head.

"No. Not before I explain myself." Harvey stood up and rubbed his hands together. He ran his fingers through his slicked back hair, and rested them on the back of his neck.

"Donna, you mean more to me than any other person in the world. You are the sole reason I am successful, and my success is yours. Entirely. You, of all people should know that I have a problem, that I can't allow myself to develop feelings, because I don't know how to navigate them, and deal with them. You say you need to be loved, and you need someone to love you for who you are, not what you can do. I feel the same way, I am unable to hold a relationship, because I always fuck it up. It's the way I am programmed, and it's nothing you did to make me this way. You make me feel like a human being, and it means more to me than anything, that you've been there for me, more than my own family ever was. Donna, it's not you. You're not the reason I am like this, and I hope you understand; because I am utterly heart broken that I have broken you like this, and made you feel the way I have. I have no way to convey how horrible I feel after you have confided all this information to me. And all I hope is, that one day you will feel comfortable enough to work for me again, and I am willing to give you the time you need. But you need to know that I do love you, more than anyone else." Harvey was emotionally broken, and his eyes became sore and irritated. "I have to go, but I hope we can still be as close as we are."

Donna grabbed Harvey's hand as he turned to exit her apartment.

"Thank you, I needed that."

Harvey lent in to kiss her cheek, Donna; reluctantly flinched, moving her head just out of Harvey's reach.


	3. Therapy

"Harvey?"

"I'm sorry to turn up like this, but I had another one." Harvey said, obviously distraught and terribly confused.

"Come in, sit down." Paula said, opening her front door a little wider, and letting Harvey walk through. She hadn't seen him in a week or so.

"I really am sorry. J just don't know how to stop them, I hadn't had one for five days, and then all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe, or think."

"Was this one as bad as the first one?" Paula asked, recalling when Harvey came to see her five days ago.

"Yes, the last one wasn't as bad, I just vomited; but this time I couldn't even think or function."

Harvey felt exposed, empty, neglected and for the first time, felt helpless.

"Run me through again what caused the first one?" Dr. Agard stated, hoping that Harvey would argue.

"Don't you take notes for a reason" a cocky Harvey shot back.

"This is for your benefit; trust me."

Harvey sighed, afraid of reliving those moments. "I left Donna's and then it happened."

"Well, what happened at Donna's."

"I asked her why she left the firm, and she told me that she left because she was afraid of loving me."

"And why would she be afraid of that?" Dr Agard enquired, even though she already knew.

"I don't know, you tell me."

"Okay, you want my opinion? I think that that poor woman has made her whole life revolve around you. To a certain stage that her actions became dependant on yours. At first, she just believed it was dedication to her job, but it became her life. You. You slept together once or twice, and that, has caused her to fall in love with you, combined with spending 80% of her waking moments with you. Harvey, you justify your actions because of what happened to you or what your mother did to you, and what happened to your father. You are too insecure to throw yourself into a serious relationship because you're too afraid that you will have your heartbroken."

"That's not true." Harvey defended, just like the good lawyer he was.

"Yes, it is. You just have to accept it." Dr Agard explained, seeing the hurt in Harvey's eyes after talking about his mother.

"I don't see Donna in that way."

"But you've slept together, have you not? And it meant a lot to you, so much that you were scared because you had never felt like that, so you buried those feelings, and now you're too afraid to address them."

"We never slept together." Harvey lied, causing a dumbfounded look on Paula's face.

"Don't lie to me Harvey, yes; you did."

"You don't know what your talking about. Donna is just my secretary; we slept together once, twelve years ago and that was it. Nothing else. She never wanted anything else."

"No, Donna would have given her entire life for you. She did give her entire life for you. Harvey, you are 43, aren't you at all interested in settling down, having a family; or are you just going to live out the rest of your life, having meaningless one night stands with women have your age who you have to force out of your apartment the next morning. Do you want kids? Do you want to own a house, and not a bachelor pad. Do you want to have someone to share a bed with, to wake up next to every morning?"

"Paula, at least buy me dinner first." Harvey joked, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Really, I had you pegged for the gentlemen type who would jump for the cheque." Paula joked back,

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you though you did."

"Oh trust me, I do."

"Anyways, I should go", Harvey said leaning forward to take out his wallet.

"And come back when you have another one?"

"Probably." Harvey replied, standing up and grabbing his coat.

"No, sit back down. You need to deal with whats eating you up inside. Tell me how you feel about Donna, truthfully."

"I don't know." Harvey lied, blurring the question so that he didn't have to address what he couldn't stomach.

"Oh bullshit, yes you do Harvey; you just need to acknowledge it. You love her, and you know it."

"I love her like a sister, like I can always count on her."

"Do you think your panic attacks are a result of her leaving?"

"More than likely"

He knew it was, he just didn't know why it was affecting him so much. He could easily just hire another secretary, and move on; without Donna. But it wasn't that easy. It never was.

"Then how do you suppose you are going to stop having them."

"Get her to come back to my desk."

"And how are you going to do that?"

How? Harvey had no idea. Not a clue.

The room was filled with silence as Harvey was unable to answer the question.

"Harvey? Harvey, do you honestly believe that Donna would want to come back to work for you, for someone who she has declared she has feelings for, that are only one sided. Why would she surround herself with the man who she was in love with, who couldn't acknowledge his feelings. If I was her, I would have left as well."

That remark was left with silence as well. Harvey unable to answer, simply because he had no answer.

"Can you honestly sit here and tell me that you don't have feelings for Donna. If you could take away all the aspects that scare you, such as infidelity, lying, all those qualities about relationships that you are afraid of, could you be in a relationship with Donna. Do you find her physical attractive? Because honestly, the way you talked about her the first time you came and saw me, you were heartbroken, but clearly in love."

"Well if you think I'm in love, why are you asking all these stupid ass questions."

Harvey didn't mean to become defensive, but when he was unable to answer the questions he felt useless, and worthless. He knew she was right, but he wasn't willing to accept it.

"Because you need to acknowledge it."

"I have."

"Then why are you still having these panic attacks?"

"You're the one with the degree."

"Yes, but they are _your_ feelings, I can only help you realise them."

* * *

After talking to Agard, Harvey had so many things running through his head. He didn't know how to manage all the feelings that she had brought to the surface that he had never addressed before. He went back to his apartment, and was so emotional exhausted that he feel straight to sleep. Of course, dreaming about Donna.

 _He looked into the mirror, to find his favorite red head laying on her side of the bed. It was 6am, and he was on child duty so Donna was able to sleep in. She was like an angel, so damn peaceful. He was luck that both Harriet and Gordon went back to sleep, as he made his way back into the bed to cuddle up with his beautiful wife. Harvey felt her shuffle under his arms._

 _"Morning beautiful" Harvey smiled, placing a delicate kiss on her cheek, to be quickly greeted by her lips._

 _"A good morning it is." Harvey whispered, as Donna had connected her lips to his, embracing her husbands morning glory._

 _Donna moaned into his mouth, as she ran her hands through his messy, un-gelled hair._

 _"Mum!"_

 _Both Donna and Harvey abruptly stopped after hearing their son call for their attention._

 _"It's your morning" Donna said, curling back into her blanket, trying to force her husband to tend to their children._

 _"Donna, I can't."_

 _It clicked in Donna's head that Harvey wasn't exactly 'decent', as she crawled out of their bed._

 _"Don't you move anywhere, i'll be back." She teased, walking out of their bedroom._

 _Harvey waited patiently for her return, excited for what was to come._

...As Harvey was rapidly awoken by the sound of his phone ring tone, he rolled over in bed to see who was calling. As he pressed the side button on his phone, his bedroom was illuminated by the bright light, and Jessica's name flashing on his screen.

"I need you in here now." Jessica's prominent voice boomed through Harvey's phone speaker as he answered her call.

"Jessica, it's 2:30 in the morning."

"We have a problem with the Wincsin merger, it's important." Jessica hung up, and Harvey barely managed to drag himself out of bed, pulled on some pants and a v-neck sweater and straight into the office; regardless of the ridiculous time of day. That's why he was the best.


	4. Friendship

By 4am, Harvey was back in his apartment, with those thoughts till running through his head. He tried to get some shut-eye, but he wasn't ready to have the same dream that he was abruptly awoke from earlier. He was scared to enter that world again, after Paula had raised all the feelings that he had buried so deep for so long.

With these thoughts, he was unable to sleep; so instead he decided to go for a run. At 4:30 in the morning, the sun was just starting to rise, and the weather was quite cold. Harvey threw on a sweater, and grabbed his earphones and phone, and headed down the elevator into the quiet Manhattan streets.

As Harvey ran, the wind was blowing onto his face, calming his, and also making him forget about Donna. Zoning out of the scenery, and just trying to focus on running; Harvey began to sweat, as he ran down the streets. Harvey ran past Donna's apartment, unintentionally, contemplating whether he should go and see her.

As Harvey ran around the corner, his head was suddenly surprised and awoken by accidentally hitting a lady who was leaning against the brick wall.

"Sorry", Harvey said; keeping his head down as he just decided to keep running.

"Harvey?"

Harvey stopped, able to recognise that voice anywhere.

"Donna?" Harvey asked, turning around, his eyes connecting with the stunning red head who knew him better than anybody. "What are you doing out at this time?"

"More to the question, why are you out here at this time? I'm just waiting for Rachel so we can go to yoga."

"I just needed to clear my head." Harvey replied, unsure of how to handle the conversation with the girl who has consumed his thoughts for the last twenty four hours.

"It's a bit early for you, though. Isn't it?" Donna asked.

"I couldn't sleep. I had to go into the office a few hours ago, so that kept me awake."

"Oh okay" Donna said as Rachel pulled up in a cab. "Anyways, I have to go. See you later Harvey."

"Donna" Harvey said, as Donna made her way to the cab, "Can we get together for coffee, sometime soon."

"I'd like that, Harvey." Donna replied, disappearing into the yellow New York taxi.

* * *

"What was Harvey doing at your apartment, at 4:47am?" Rachel asked, after noticing Harvey from inside the cab.

"He was running, and we just had a quick chat."

"Have you spoke to him since you left the firm?" Rachel asked, as Donna put her seatbelt on.

"He came over about five days ago, and asked me why I left, then I hadn't heard from him since." Donna replied

"And? What happened?"

"He told me that he didn't know that I was in love with him, I said bullshit, then he said that he had a problem; and that it was his fault, and the he hoped that I could trust him enough to one day come back to his desk." Donna mumbled, reliving the night that Harvey was helpless in front of her.

Rachel never replied, as they sat in silence for the remaining five minute drive. Donna was thinking about what Harvey said, and that she thought she had got to the stage where she believed she could move on. Without him. Until this morning, where she saw him again, he looked like crap. Like he hadn't been sleeping, or eating, or just being himself. He looked run down, and unhappy. And that hurt Donna _more than anything_.

The cab came to a halt on the side of the street, in front of a large park area with about half a dozen other women already grouping with their yoga mats. Both Donna and Rachel got out of the cab and met with those ladies.

About an hour later, Donna and Rachel rolled up their mats, both sweaty, and a little bit tired. The third cab that drove past came to a halt to let the women in. After saying goodbye to Rachel, and making her way back up to her apartment, Donna was greeted by a small box wrapped in wrapping paper, with a bow on top and three red roses. This small gesture brought a smile to her face, as she picked both the small gifts up and took them inside. Donna sat at her dining table, and unwrapped the small gift. As the paper was removed, it revealed a small ring, with engraved writing on the inside of the gold ring.

 _More than a can opener_

From that sentence, Donna instantly knew that the gift was from Harvey, in the top of the box, was a folded piece of paper. As Donna unfolded the piece, it read: _Friendship Ring: 18t Yellow Gold, with one carat of DE diamonds, for the special friend, the one who means the most. The perfect gift for someone who means more than anything to you, someone who you can't express words for, or someone who you love, whether it be as a friend or even something more. To be worn on the right hand right finger, a ring which carries special meaning with no traditional attachment._

Donna placed the ring on her right hand, and hoped up, putting the three beautiful red roses into a crystal Bohemia vase.

Content with herself, and with Harvey; Donna decided to go for a shower, and get ready to go into Pearson Specter to get her stuff, so she could finally move on with her life. She had already auditioned for three off-broadway plays since she had left, and even a part-time job at an investment banking firm. It was time to move on with the next stage of her life, not as a legal secretary; but to purse her job as an actress, and hopefully form friendships outside of the firm she had worked at for the past twelve years, and even try for a romantic relationship, with someone other than Harvey.

* * *

At 8am, Harvey made his way up the elevator to the 50th floor of Pearson Specter, stepping out of the elevator; with his eyes attaching to the word 'Specter', making him proud of his accomplishments. None of which would have been possible without Donna.

As he made his way down the hall, past both Jessica's, Mike's and Louis' offices. And for the first time in seven days, his eyes connected with Donna's prominent red hair. An indescribable smile bound immediately to his face, as he got closer. Shortly, Harvey realised that she was in fact packing up her things, and leaving. _For good._ Harvey never thought this day would come, but she was glad she felt comfortable enough to come and take her stuff, whilst he was here.

"Donna" Harvey said, walking past her, and straight into his office, trying to act as unemotional as usual.

"Sorry Harvey, I just came to finally get my stuff."

"Okay, don't let me stop you."

And like usual, Harvey's wall came up, and blocked off his feelings. It seemed to happen every time he was afraid of feeling something. _Feeling neglected_.

Donna, visible confused, made her way into Harvey's office, where he was pretending to be absorbed with his work.

"Okay, look. I'm not going to argue with you. But you are kind of sending me mixed messages, after your gift last night, I thought we were on good terms, so instead of coming to get all my stuff when you weren't in the office, I thought we could both be mature adults and deal with this, and not act like a child."

"Me? Acting like a child? I just want you to get your stuff, so that I can hire a new secretary. You clearly don't want to be here anymore, so just go Donna."

"Fine Harvey. But no more little gifts, no more turning up at my apartment. Just don't." Donna managed to say, whilst holding back obvious tears out of her glassy eyes.

Donna grabbed her box of things, and walked down the hallway Harvey had just came from. She glanced a look at Jessica as she walked past her office, past the reception and down the elevator.


	5. Confrontation

"Harvey, come in." Paula announced, surprised at Harvey's unscheduled arrival.

"Sorry, for turning up like this. I had another one, and I need to stop them. I've realised whats wrong."

"Have a seat, please." stated Paula, as she grabbed Harvey's file from her filling cabinet.

"I won't be long. I had another panic attack, and I just need to know if it was related to Donna cutting me out of her life?"

"Okay, Harvey. I know you pay me, but you don't have to make it so easy. Of course it was. You love her." Paula laughed, "but I know you, you won't listen to me. I'll tell you this again. You love her, but you are unable to navigate those emotions. In order to stop your panic attacks, you must simply be aware of those, and confront everything that tells you don't love her, and turn those feelings into emotions that you truly feel."

"And how do I do that?" A weak Harvey replied, with tears streaming down his face, eyes red and hair as messy as when he woke up of a morning. Lost, and weak.

"You open up, and you talk to me. I'm only here to help you. That's all. I have no hidden agenda, even though you believe that I do. Tell me what you feel, and I can help you realise what you are too afraid to understand yourself. Are you willing to do that?"

Harvey nodded, as he discreetly tried to wipe the tears that down his face.

"Okay. Now don't get defensive; but your issues with commitment delve from your mother, and now it has gotten to a stage where its interrupting your own adult life. _Donna_..."

As that word left Paula's mouth, Harvey's head immediately filled with millions of thoughts about the lady who he was so undeniable in love with.

 _"Donna? Honey. I'm home?" Harvey smiled, as he closed the door and turned around to find a layer of rose petals drawing from the door end of the hallway all the way down into their living space._

 _As he followed the petals down the hallway towards their bedroom. He was unable to hear any noises from their two children. As he walked through their dining room, and into their bedroom, he was greeted with Donna; laying on their bed, waiting. Waiting for Harvey. Her golden red locks just sitting on her shoulders, with a small piece of black lingerie covering the remainder of her body._

 _Harvey's eyes shot open, fascinated by his beautiful wife in front of him._

 _"What, what... what is happening?" Harvey managed only just to say, gulping between every word._

 _As Donna stood up from the bed, she took small steps towards Harvey, teasing Harvey with every step._

 _"You remember all those times, that you saved my ass; and that other time. And all those times that I couldn't do what I wanted to do to thank you, because you were too pussy to understand that we could have had together. And this, "us", together; I just wanted to thank you, the babysitter was after more work, and we haven't been 'us' since the whole Mike thing went down. I just want to be with you."_

"Harvey? Are you alright?"

Agard's voice shuttered through Harvey's head, shaking him back to the reality, forcing him to realise that Donna was not waiting for him, nor were they married, or were either of them happy.

"Sorry, sorry. I just can't do this." Harvey bound to his feet, with Paula doing the exact same thing just to stop him.

"No, Harvey." Paula yelled at the man who stood at least a foot taller than him. "Sit down."

Harvey listened to her sharp words, and fell backwards onto the couch.

"Just say it Harvey. Just release all you inhibitions, and say it."

"I love her." Harvey once again found tears streaming down his face. "I always have. I want to be with her. I want to make it work, no matter the consequences. I'll give up anything for her. I love her, I truly do." Harvey paused to wipe the tears from his eyes, and just take a breathe. The first without all of the love for Donna pressing into his ribs.

"And why have you been so scared to tell her that, the way you just told me."

"She's too good for me, I am a coward; and I can't be with her, because I am not good enough for her."

"But what would you do if you were good enough for _her._ You realise that she spent the last 12 years of her life hoping that she was good enough for you right? Then she left because she finally realised that she wasn't."

"That's not true." Harvey defended, "I have to go."

Harvey rushed out of Paula's office, with emotions running rampant. Unsure of where he was, or where he was going, the only place that felt right; was _Donna's_ apartment.

He hailed a taxi for the first time in about thirteen years, not bothering to call upon Ray; and hopped in the back of the taxi, not worried about anything but confessing his feelings to Donna.

Skipping the elevator, and deciding to run up the six flights of stairs, he made it to her door in under five minutes. As Harvey looked out the window of Donna's floor, he had since realised the suns disappearance, as his watch indicated almost 7pm.

Harvey could hear laughing from inside Donna's apartment, hoping that Donna was on the phone, or with Rachel; or anyone other than another man. As the laugh and chat became louder, Harvey froze in the moment, unsure of whether he should leave, or stay to talk to Donna no matter her company. As the door opened, Harvey was facing the other direction, and the shock in Donna's voice was self-explantatory.

"Harvey", Donna exclaimed; as surprised as she could be in this situation.

As Harvey turned around, he noticed Donna's company. A man, about thirty five years old, with dark brunette hair and matching dark eyes. He almost looked threatened by Harvey's presence.

"Hi" was all that Harvey could manage to voice, with a feeling of pain shooting to his heart.

"Hi! Harvey... this is Greg." Donna navigated the situation to the best of her ability, even though the tension was clear and annoying. "Greg, Harvey", Donna introduced the two, as Harvey lent forward to shake Greg's hard, Greg obviously nervous. "Harvey was my boss for the last twelve years, did you just have to drop of a few things?"

"No, actually; I needed to talk to you, but I can come back another time. It's not important." Harvey lied, as a pain in his chest told him otherwise.

"We can reschedule", Greg interrupted, as Donna whispered into Greg's ear, organising some time of arrangement.

"Goodnight Donna", Greg whispered, placing a delicate kiss on his check, that made Harvey's skin crawl. Greg walked past Harvey, being careful not to touch him.

"Harvey, this better be important." Donna announced, with obvious anger in her voice. She held open her door, letting Harvey walk past her.

Harvey stood against her wall, waiting for her to decide where to sit.

"Harvey, are you okay?" Donna stated, noticing that Harvey had been upset, and clearly confused.

"Look, Donna. This is really hard for me, but, but I... I've been seeing a therapist, and she's helped me realise a few things. And what exactly is wrong with me."

"Okay..."

"Donna, I love you." Harvey's eyes began to water, as Donna's face exploded with emotion. "And I want to be _with_ you, I'm ready".

"Harvey, I... I..."

 **To Be Continued**

* * *

If you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review, and I'll be sure to update the cliffhanger chapter shortly..

Thanks -T xx


	6. Inhibitions

**Tried to update this quickly because I left it on a cliffhanger... Don't want to spoilt it, but minor sexual references included in this chapter.**

* * *

Her eyes locked with his, as the glassy film that covered her eyes broke into a small tear, that trailed down her face. She saw Harvey helpless and broken Open, powerless and impotent.

"Harvey, sit down", Donna mumbled, as Harvey's face became a pale white colour, with his legs shaking of weakness.

"No, Donna. I just..."

"Harvey, sit down!" Donna's voice raised, awaking Harvey's eyes, and the fire present in Donna's words forced his body to do exactly what she said, the power in those words streaming straight towards his heart. His heart which belonged entirely to her.

Harvey's body slouched onto the nearest piece of furniture in Donna's apartment. His head fell into his hands, he was so confused, that he wasn't able comprehend his own inhibitions.

"Harvey, talk to me."

"I can't".

"Yes," Donna replied, grabbing Harvey's hand and grasping it within hers. "You can".

"No, that pause."

"Oh forgive me for pausing for five seconds after the man I have loved for twelve years finally mans up and tells me he loves me back." Donna laughed, as Harvey lifted his head, and smiled at Donna.

She was completely his, as much as it pained her to be away from him; it was for the best. He had finally realised, that without her, in his life, no matter what capacity, he was unable of functioning. Whether it was because he was dependent on her, or if he was truly, truly in love with her; it ruined him.

The two both sat in silence, as Harvey tried to compose himself.

"I was serious, you know?"

"What has this therapist been talking to you about" Donna asked, surprised at Harvey's new found openness.

"Look after you left working for me, I started to have these... these panic attacks... like where I couldn't breathe, or anything. I couldn't think... I..."

"It's okay Harvey. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

"Really?" Harvey's voice shaking almost as much as his heart was at the very moment.

"Of course. I love you Harvey."

"Donna, are you sure."

"Oh, for God's sake Harvey. Yes!"

Harvey was no longer tied down by his fear of rejection, he was empowered; the same cocky and self-confident middle aged man he had always been. He just _lost his way_ for a little while when the only constant in his life for the last twelve years had finally left him. But she was _back_. Back for _good._ Harvey used his other free hand to place on the silky cloth that covered Donna's dress. A lovely red and silky gown, highlighting her fantastic figure from her hours of yoga. For Harvey, it had never been about the way she looked, it was more than that. He loved her, rather than for what she looked like, like many of the other relationships he had been in, he loved her personality, her soul and every little thing that Donna Roberta Paulsen was made of. Every little movement, and every little word made him fall in love with her more and more.

"Donna, I am really sorry for interrupting your.. hmm, your date." Harvey let go of Donna's hand, as he felt sweat beads forming on his palm. He ran his hands down his pants, and then up through his hair. Unsure of why he was so nervous, his eyes reconnected with Donna's, moving his hands back to grasp hers.

Donna looked down at Harvey's hand, noticing bruises across his knuckles, and healing scabs. She hoped more than anything in the world that he had just been boxing to release his anger, rather than hurting someone who didn't deserve it. Donna knew more than anybody that Harvey had anger issues, and she hoped that he would continue to go to therapy to deal with all the bugs and voices that he couldn't control in his head.

"It's okay Harvey, it wasn't very serious. It was only our fourth date."

"Fourth!" Harvey laughed, "with that guy? Seriously Donna."

"Hey, I met him a the theatre company I'm doing a play at, he's a lovely man."

"You're pursuing acting? I'm so proud of you."

"Well it would have been sooner, but I was stuck with your incapable ass."

The room fell silent, as Harvey had to once again wipe his palms clean. "Did you, you umm sleep with him Donna?"

"That is none of your concern Harvey."

"Did you?"

Donna nodded, and Harvey felt his heart break a tiny bit more.

"I should go." Harvey had used that line too many times around Donna, and it was starting to seriously annoy her.

"Why? Because I moved on with my life?"

"Exactly." Harvey contained his voice, and just mumbled a reply. He knew it wasn't fair, but he didn't care. Donna was his. Apart of him, and no one else was allowed to have her.

"So I was just supposed to wait until you started to go to therapy, and she made you realise your true feelings? What if you never did do that Harvey, and knowing you there was a very high chance that you'd never be able to. Because of your bravado, or whatever you justify it as." Donna was almost about to crack, her voice was raising with every little word she spat at Harvey. His smug face began to trigger hatred in Donna, for the first time ever. "You're right, you should go."

Harvey stood up, and headed towards her door. Donna stood up also, and went the other way. She entered her bathroom, hoping that Harvey would simply show himself out. She was so angry at him, angry at the fact that once again, when she finally thought she had a good relationship, he returned, to pull on her heart strings; her undeniable, and unshakeable love for Harvey. It was the same with Stephen and Michael; and now Greg.

Harvey stood at the exit of Donna's apartment. Still listening. He heard every movement of Donna's, contemplating the pros and cons of walking into that bathroom, and being with her. Loving her the way she deserved to be loved, and apologising. For real.

Donna turned off the hot water from the shower, and stepped out. Wrapping a towel around her naked body, and turning off the lights in the bathroom heading into her bedroom across the hall. Closing the door behind her, she dropped her towel and dressed herself in her pyjamas. This was followed by small knocks on Donna's bedroom door.

"Donna", Harvey whispered, "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not." Donna replied, not giving into to Harvey's charm.

"Yes, I am." Harvey said, slightly pushing open the door.

"Go away." Donna mumbled, inside hoping that he would come in instead. "Seriously Harvey, we can't do this. You say you are, but then I do some tiny thing that ticks you off, and you put up a barrier that blocks me out. You treat me like a stranger."

"Do what?" Harvey said, disregarding the shot she took at him, trying to calm himself; and fix things. "Sit and talk? Okay, fine." Harvey's smart ass comments bought a smile to Donna's face, as he made his way into her bedroom, and sat next Donna. Not saying anything, waiting for her to make the first move.

When no one said anything, Donna decided to relax. Lying back on her bed, she was soon joined by Harvey. In his three piece suit, his body was squished underneath the tight fitted clothing. He reached up and unbuttoned his vest, turning to his side, and greeting Donna with a cheeky grin.

"Oh go away." Donna fired at him, their faces only centimetres apart.

"You don't want that? Do you?" Harvey asked, smiling.

"No, of course not."

"Good" Harvey replied, leaning forward, and _finally_ connecting his lips with hers. After all these years, it was finally right.

Donna's inhibitions and everything telling her to say no, immediately started to say yes. The _yes_ was so strong, that Donna threw herself on top of Harvey, deepening their kiss, and expressing every feeling that she has bottle up inside for so long. The kiss was filled with anger, pain, hatred; but most importantly _love_.

"Donna, are you sure?" Harvey asked, the gentlemen side shining through his _macho overcoat_.

"Oh, am I getting the infamous _gentlemen_ 'Harvey Specter' treatment?" Donna asked, kissing Harvey's neck and unbuttoning his vest and undershirt.

"Oh darling, you have no idea."

* * *

 _That's all for now._

 _Hope you enjoy my story, and if you do; review please._

 _Reviews give me drive, and ideas to write about, so thanks in advance!_

 _-T xx_


	7. Everything

Harvey watched her. She had been sleeping for a few hours, and the sun started to peer through her maroon curtains. He stayed curled in her blankets, his face harboring an undeniable smile; a grin that stretched from ear to ear. His arm was numb, but he didn't care. He grasped underneath her body, and rolled onto his side, placing delicate kisses on her cheek and neck.

"Harvey", Donna mumbled, "let me sleep".

"Or..." Harvey whispered, pulling Donna's arm until she rolled onto her back. "We could, _not sleep."_ Harvey laughed, moving his naked body to be on top of hers.

"Get off me!" Donna playfully yelled, as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Fine", Harvey wriggled out of her grasp and got up out of her bed. "I'm going for a shower".

Donna had so many thoughts going through her head. She was overwhelmed by everything that was happening in her life recently. She was on a cloud, floating. Scared of the storm that might hit if Harvey was to change his mind. She knew that he was capable of walking out, and pretending that last night didn't happen. Probably for another 12 years. But Donna was desperate for him to open up to her. To talk to her; about everything.

As Harvey walked out of her shower, Donna just starred at him. He watched his every move, mesmerised. She had no idea how she devoted so much of her adult life to look after the idiot in front of her, but at this very moment, she was so glad she did.

"What?" Harvey laughed, as he pulled on a pair of sweat pants.

"You know its almost 7am, you should probably swap those sweat pants a classier option... Tom Ford perhaps?"

"Or I could just stay here all day." he mumbled, crawling back next to Donna in her bed.

"I have rehearsal at 11am."

"So you're really serious about this acting thing, with _Greg_."

"Yes, with Greg." Donna mocked the same tone that Harvey had used when saying Greg. Greg was a lovely guy, and Donna really enjoyed being with him. But in any aspect that mattered, to her; he was no Harvey.

"And what about me?"

"What about you?"

"What about me?" he repeated, slightly deflated.

"What do you expect me to say Harvey. You have complete control of this situation. You could tell me you want to be with me, and we could be happy. But you could quite as easily become scared, and leave me. Without a seconds thought; and that scares me. More than anything."

"I won't do that."

"How do I know?" After all these years, Donna had become vulnerable to Harvey. She would follow him to the ends of the earth, and that scared her. Because one day he could wake up next to her and decide that she wasn't good enough, he could decide that he doesn't love her anymore; maybe he never loved her. She was emotionally ready to go through that again.

"Trust me."

"Well talk to me. Tell me everything. Harvey, if this is going to work; I need to know _you_. Not lawyer Harvey, but 8 year old Harvey, 15 year old Harvey, and 30 year old Harvey. They are all important to me, and I want to hear your story."

Harvey knew that Donna wanted to know what happened to him when he was younger that resulted in his issues with relationships. After everything, Donna may be the only person that he could talk to, but somehow; even revealing all his problems to her seemed like a bad idea.

"I... I can't."

"Okay."

Donna didn't argue, and that scared Harvey.

"Look, I love you Donna. I do, I mean it. But I don't know how me telling you about my crappy childhood will help."

"Just trust me."

Harvey sighed, and knew that the only way this would ever work was if he was truthful.

"Um, when I was about 8, I got sent home from school because I was sick. Hmm, and Mum was home but she was with another guy. I guess I didn't think anything of it, but she asked me not to tell Dad, because it was her cousin or some shit. I believed her, and didn't think anything of it. Then Dad started to go on tour again, and there were more guys, but they were all cousins, and uncles, and other excuses to make sure that I didn't work anything out. That's probably the reason I hate lying, and it just gets to me. I was lied to my entire childhood, and I never realised."

Donna smiled, so far this had explained so much that she didn't know. She grabbed his hand, as his face went red.

"When I went off to Harvard, I put it out of my mind. I didn't think about it. To be honest, I didn't really think about my family at all. I caught up with my Dad whenever he was in Boston and we had a beer together. He would tell me how much he missed Mum and that he was thinking about quitting the band to be with her. After my graduation, I dropped back in home and surprised my Mum. Turns out Dad got called out for a two week revival tour, and I caught Mum with my Dad's best mate Bobby from down at the car shop. She begged me to not tell Dad, but I was so angry at her, and I had to leave. After Dad got back, we organised a family lunch, I got there earlier, and told Mum that I didn't forgive her, and that I would pretend when Dad and Marcus were there, but not when we were alone. Then Bobby turned up for lunch as well, and I left. I couldn't stand to be in the same room as two people who would do something like that to someone they loved."

Harvey's face was red, his eyes were watery. Donna had not let go of his hand while he struggled to tell her about how hard it was to deal with. With his free hand, he reached up and wiped his hair back.

"After I left lunch, I had so many missed calls from Mum and Dad, but I just had to clear my head so I went to the ring and strapped on some gloves. After about an hour, Dad showed up and wanted to know what was going on. He got in the ring and wanted to fight. He knew something was up, but I couldn't tell him. I couldn't do that to Marcus. I was leaving, but he was already stuck with a dysfunctional family and I didn't want to make his life any worse. I got so angry at Dad that he couldn't see what was going on. I wanted him to work it out for himself so I wouldn't have to tell him. I said a few things I should have said to him. But he just kept harping and harping about what was up. And I finally broke. I told him. I have never seen a more heartbroken look on someones face. I felt horrible. So that night I left, went back to Boston, packed my stuff up and moved to New York, where I got an internship in the mail room with Jessica as my supervisor... that's it. I only saw my Dad once after that day before he died, and I haven't spoke to my mother since. I'm still in contact with Marcus."

Donna was in tears, so so happy that Harvey had opened up to her. It made so much sense now. The whole 12 years. It explained almost every question that Donna had about Harvey. She was so content. Every secret, every mood swing; just _everything_.

They didn't speak, Harvey just put his head down on the pillow, and allowed Donna to snuggle into his chest for a few hours.

Donna's alarm went off, and she sprung out of her bed, and ducked into the shower. Harvey was exhausted. Both physically and emotionally. He was never told anyone that story, Paula had squeezed a little bit of that story out, but nothing near the extent of what he had just told Donna. Now Donna knew everything. And that scared him. He didn't know why.

10 minutes later, Harvey had his hair slicked back, and he was back in his Tom Ford suit.

The two were standing on the inside of Donna's apartment door, neither wanting to say goodbye.

"Thank you." Donna smiled, kissing Harvey on the lips.

"No, thank you." Harvey replied, kissing Donna on the lips, a little bit more passionately.

Donna smiled, and kissed him once more. The kiss was filled with fire and intensity, as Harvey pushed her against the door.

Donna moaned into his mouth, "I have to go."

"I can be quick" Harvey asked.

Donna broke this kiss and reestablished herself. Her cheeks were flushed, and Harvey was satisfied that after 12 years he could still have that affect on her.

"Okay" Donna mumbled, trying to lower her heart rate, and return her breathing to normal. They both exited her apartment. Hand in hand, they made it to the ground floor, and with much regret, they both went their separate ways.

* * *

 **It's been over a month since I updated, but I was just swamped with work; anyways I hope this is satisfactory. I love writing the progression of Harvey. He seems to be trying so hard to be the man that Donna deserves.**

 **Please review, and I'll update hopefully soon when I get a spare chance.**

 **-T**


	8. Words

**Finally time for an update - sorry for the long wait.**

* * *

"Hi Donna", Greg smiled as Donna walked towards him - her gorgeous smile only growing wider as she moved closer.

Donna took a seat opposite Greg at a small coffee shop on the corner of her street. Glowing in the morning sun, dazed by the beginning of the business day, Donna - as a newly unemployed women - enjoyed the freedom it entailed.

"Morning Greg - how are you?" Donna asked, with a smile - tossing her bright red locks behind her shoulder and out of her face.

"I'm good - busy, but nonetheless, good."

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me" Donna replied, nervous about the upcoming conversation.

"What's up? We have rehearsal tonight." Greg asked, seeing Donna for the first time in only a few days - days that she had been spending with Harvey, not Greg. Donna spent a few moments trying to decide how to tackle this situation. Although she was not seeing Greg exclusively, they had been a _thing_ for about three weeks, since their play began rehearsing. Their two characters shared an intimate on-stage kiss, which after their first rehearsal, began this _thing_ which had been rudely interrupted by Harvey the other night. Donna had a pact with herself - to be honest about relationships. She was trying as hard as possible to stick to that, hence the meeting with Greg this morning.

After leaving Harvey's desk at the firm, Donna had hoped her relationships would become so much simpler. She should have known better - it was never, never _simply_ with Harvey Reginald Specter.

No matter how hard she tried to seperate her work and relationship lives, they always seemed to collide, getting stronger and stronger each time.

"Nothings _up,_ I just wanted to tell you something…" This had suddenly became a lot harder than Donna had every imagined.

Greg face dropped, he was confused, concerned and somehow suspicious. He lent across the table and grabbed Donna's hand.

"What is it? Are you okay?"

He actually cared - this was a strange feeling for Donna, to have a man who openly cared for her, and her feelings; who was worried if she was sad, and there when she needed someone. For the last 12 years, this had been missing from her life - 12 years too long. She wondered whether it was worth throwing away something like that, for an uncertain exploration of uncertain feelings with the man who had occupied her love for the last 12 years - and as much as she hated to admit it, still did.

"I… us… are we?" Donna struggled to release her required words to offer Greg an explanation.

"Is this about your boss, and the other night? Donna - is it?"

"I think I owe you an explanation… about Harvey, and about you and I".

Greg was immediately aware of what Donna was about to say - something about how she had to stop seeing him, because she was known with her boss who was stringing her along because his regular screw had run dry. He simply wanted to plead and tell her that she deserved so much better, that she was so much better than Harvey was; he would treat her right.

Instead, he felt denied - felt like he wasn't good enough.

"Honestly, don't worry about it Donna - I understand, the boss; the fantasy - I know how it is".

Donna didn't understand, her thought process unravelled more so than it already had. Greg suddenly let go of Donna's hand, standing from his seat and beginning to walk away. Donna bound to her feet, walking after him.

"Greg, just let me explain" she pleaded. While she justified it as a means of explaining their situation, it was really a way of organising her thoughts, and hoping that she was making the right choice.

"Explain what? That you're going to go back to swooning over your emotionally unstable and womanising boss? That no matter how many time he hurts you, breaks your heart, leads you on; you… you… still choose him - every time? Why Donna? Surely you are worth more to someone, to me, than what you're worth to Harvey. I chose you, he didn't. What is so special about Harvey - is it the bad boy act, the careless self-indulgence, the cockiness? What makes him someone who you can justify hoping to be with - even though he is so hot and cold with your feelings, like he doesn't even care about your feelings."

Greg took a breath as Donna stood there on the verge of unstoppable tears.

Donna couldn't comprehend what Greg had just brought to her realisation. No one had ever been so blunt to her, and asked so many rhetorical questions about the state of her relationship with Harvey. Those words - _he hurts you_ , _breaks your heart_ , _doesn't care_ \- they were true, and that scared her; more than anything.

As Greg shrugged his shoulders and stood there at looking at Donna, he felt sorry for her - sorry that she had become so consumed by a male - an egotistical, self-centred man-whore. He embraced Donna in a warm and comforting hug, kissing the top of her head, and not letting go until she stopped crying.

Something about this felt right, not right like how it felt when she was with Harvey, but right enough for her to be able to be okay with it.

"Thank you". Donna let go from his grasp, trying to avoid a situation which would complicate things even more.

"Can I ask you a question?" Greg pleaded, wiping away one remaining tear from the top of her flushed cheek bone.

Donna simply nodded.

"What is it about Harvey? Has it always been about Harvey?"

Donna had always been afraid of this question - of being asked about why she couldn't move on. And for some strange reason, she couldn't put it into words.

After ordering a coffee and sitting back down with Greg, Donna; for the first time in a long time, hadn't thought about Harvey. The two spent the rest of the morning walking around the street of NYC. Mid-conversation, Donna's attention was drawn away for a moment, to attend to her phone. Harvey's name flashed across the screen - Greg's eyes also catching a glimpse.

"Take it, i'll catch up with you later - you obviously have some things to sort out". Greg lent in and kissed Donna's cheek, leaving a lasting and important impression of some sorts.

Donna swiped her finger across her phone screen, answering Harvey's call.

"Hello?" Donna answered.

"Donna, yes. I need you." Harvey announced clearly, sounds sincere.

Donna was prepared to give him anything he needed. She was so weak, unprepared and vulnerable. Whatever Harvey needed, for some reason, Donna couldn't seem to deny him.

Unsure of what Harvey was about to plead for, Donna had expected a declaration of love, or a simple act of kindness. Something out of the ordinary which would shatter all of Greg's previous assumptions.

"I know you don't work for me anymore, I'm not you're boss - but I need to ask you for something."

Donna didn't reply, hoping for something which could give her hope and clarification.

"Where did you put the Rickter memo from last month?"

Once again, let down - "it was filed in your cabinet; the one beside your desk. Is that it Harvey? I have rehearsal?"

"Yes, thank you."

Donna was once again disappointment, hopeful of something more.

As Donna was just about to hang up, a familiar voice mumbled through the speaker.

"Donna, Donna - are you still there?"

Donna replied, simply because she liked to hear his voice - it was so gentle, yet forceful. Manly, yet somehow felt warm, and cozy - it was comfortable.

"Dinner tonight. I'll pick you up at 8pm, and we'll go to that small Italian restaurant down from your apartment that you love, and always tell me about."

"But you don't like Italian?" Donna interjected.

"But I like you… - I love you, and thats all that matters".

* * *

 **A/N - Man its been a long time since I updated this, I've finally finished high school, and work - and now I have some downtime before I move 18 hours away from my home and family to start university. Depressing; I know.**

 **On the plus side - its 10 days until we get a steamy and very much anticipated Darvey scene. How exciting.**

 **Please review - I love the plot of this story, and hope it goes somewhere lovely and poetically beautiful.**


	9. A Kiss

_"But I like you… - I love you, and thats all that matters"._

As those words fell through Donna's phone speaker, they never became any easier to digest. For some reason, Harvey expelling his feelings was an unnatural sensation - one that Donna openly enjoyed, especially when he was expressing his love for her.

Welcomed, nonetheless - it was comforting, and always unexpected.

"Harvey, that sounds… that sounds _wonderful_. I'll see you then, can Ray pick me up from the small theatre around from my apartment."

"No. I'll pick you up".

Donna was shocked - she knew Harvey better than anyone, and he very rarely drove a car, he saw no point when he was able to pay someone to do it for him. Donna was so busy overthinking Harvey's generosity to reply to his statement.

"Donna, are you still there?" Harvey asked through the speaker.

"Yes, sorry. See you tonight."

Hours in the afternoon pasted slowly, with Donna's brain working overtime trying to process so many thoughts. By 5pm, she had made it to the theatre, trying to avoid an awkward confrontation with Greg - who she hadn't talked to since their last encounter.

As she exited the green room backstage, Greg walked through the door, connecting his eyes and subsequent attention towards Donna, who looked as gorgeous as ever. They both met in the middle of the theatre, embracing in a warm, but awkward hug.

"Hi".

"Hi, how are you Donna?"

"I'm good thank you." The two talked confidently until the director entered, calling all cast onto the stage to run through some scenes. Two hours past throughout the afternoon, with Donna realising that it was almost time for Donna and Greg to run through their kissing scene at the end of the play. Trying not to think about the awkwardness which was bound to arise during the scene, the directors voice echoed throughout the hall.

Both Donna and Greg made their way to the middle of the stage, with familiar words being released from the director - "action". The two exchanged their scripted words in the middle of stage, slowly growing closer to the moment Donna was dreading. The tension-filled silence raised during the climax of the scene, as Greg lent forward, forcefully connecting his lips against Donnas. The kiss felt natural - unlike any other on stage kiss she had experienced. It felt comfortable and familiar.

"Cut! Beautiful, wonderful, exquisite. Absolute masterclass."

Donna pulled her lips away at the directors call from Greg's, who desperately attempted to retain their touch.

"I love how powerful your kiss is. It's believable - like you're actually in love", the directors voice continue to echo throughout Donna's head.

Love? - Donna was unsure of the concept of love, and how to actually be sure. She had two men - one who seemed like the safe option. Greg was a teacher, and part time actor. He had a steady income, a house and a predictable lifestyle. Harvey on the other hand, was a hot-shot NYC lawyer, earning millions, but spending just as much. He had a bachelor pad, who he was with, Donna assumed, a different woman every night. Donna couldn't help but be in love with Harvey. After leaving his desk, she had seen an entirely new side of him that wasn't visible to her as his secretary. He confronted his family issues to Donna, and that reestablished her faith in Harvey. But he was always a risk - he seemed like he would be easily bored, not the type for a suburban family lifestyle, with a home and a generic job. Donna was _torn_. Torn between her heart and her head, torn between doing what was safe, and what she wanted. Absolutely torn between being happy and being content - being with who she had loved for as long as she could remember, and being with the man who could provide a stable and safe life.

After wrapping up their evening rehearsal, Donna was more than looking forward to her date with Harvey. It was their first proper date, away from their boss-secretary dinners they used to have. As Donna headed towards the door to meet her awaiting date, she was stopped - hearing her name echo down the theatre hall.

"Donna, Donna!" It was Greg's voice, who chased her down.

"Can we talk, just quickly?" Greg asked, as Donna desperately tried to find an excuse, wanting to not leave Harvey waiting any longer, giving him time to second guess his chances with Donna.

"Uh yeah, quickly."

"Did that kiss feel like something else for you as well? It was good, I, I don't know how to explain it." Greg took a breathe, obviously working himself up over his feelings for Donna. Donna shook her head, indicating 'no', but as politely as possible.

"So it's Harvey now?" Greg defended, "he's not good for you Donna. I care about you, and I don't want you to get hurt."

"Greg, just leave it. I have to go." Donna walked out of the theatre, immediately looking for Harvey.

Greg grabbed her hand, trying to pull her back to finish this conversation.

"Just talk to me!" He shouted, trying to talk some sense into Donna, who, he believed was obviously blinded by Harvey's money, ignorance and macho bravado.

"Greg, leave it!" Donna pleaded, trying to free herself from Greg's grasp on her wrist.

"Donna… just…"

Out of nowhere, Harvey bound past Donna, grabbing Greg by the collar and pushing him up against the wall.

"She said, _leave her alone_."

The words left Harvey's tongue very calm, and quietly. His suit curled at his elbows, as he pressed Greg against the wall, noticing the fear plastered across his face.

"Harvey, let go." Donna grabbed Harvey's suit, pulling backwards as he released his pressure from Greg's shoulders.

Harvey withheld his anger, and grabbed Donna's hand.

"Donna's too good for you!" Greg shouted as the pair walked away, with Donna instantly feeling Harvey tense. He dropped Donna's hand, and turned around.

"You god damn don't think I know what? You need to back off, she's with me". Harvey confidently announced. "You, you stay away from her".

As Harvey attempted to leave, holding his composure to ensure that Donna noticed that he had matured was shattered when Greg tried to piss him off once more.

"Why don't you come watch the show, you know, when I get to kiss Donna. She's a great kisser."

That was the last straw in Harvey's temper. He lacked temper-control, something Donna was extremely critical of.

Harvey immediately bound backwards, swinging his body with his arm following. He connected his fist with Greg's jaw, knocking him flat to the ground.

Turning back and looking at Donna's scared face, Harvey resisted the urge to follow through with Greg. He knew exactly how to anger Harvey - attack Donna; that was all it took to raise the hair on Harvey's neck, and make his blood boil.

Harvey grabbed Donna's hand, and continued towards his car. Donna let go of his grasp.

"Why would you do that?"

"He was taunting you, purposely, in front of me to make me jealous." Harvey defended, trying to justify his actions.

"So you punched him?"

"I was trying to show you that I care for you, that I want to protect you. Donna, I am really trying."

"We can talk about this later - lets just go to dinner."

The two rode in silence. Harvey was trying to explain to Donna why he did what he did. Everything he does is for her, and she meant everything to him. He just didn't know how to show Donna how much he cared. Maybe it was time to go and see Paula again.


	10. Where Did It Go Wrong?

**Hey guys - finally got around to updating. Since I last wrote, I've started University and completed my 1st Trimester. It's going really well, but its full-on. The Darvey fandom sucked me back in post 701, so I thought the fandom deserved some Darvey content, even though this chapter is a little bit sad.**

 **Enjoy it though.**

 **-Nay**

* * *

After a long and awkward dinner, Harvey pulled his keys from the back of his jeans and opened his apartment door. Donna followed closely behind, with the two not exchanging any words since getting into the cab.

"I'm just going to get my stuff and go", Donna mumbled, striding past Harvey like he wasn't even there. Harvey slouched on his lounge, exhaling a long sigh built up from a difficult night. His head was pounding, there was so much he had to say, yet somehow his words couldn't formulate into anything more than a groan. He could hear Donna scrambling to collect her clothes from the last few days she had spent with him.

He realised that this was probably his last chance. He had stuffed up one too many times, and taken Donna for granted - he didn't mean to, she was just always there. Harvey knew he was an asshole, but he just wasn't good at this stuff. All he wanted to do was make her happy.

Donna finally came out of his room, a bunch of crumpled clothes cramped in her arms, with her eyes visibly strained. Harvey hated to see her this way, it physically hurt him to see her upset. And she just stood there, direct eye contact locked straight on Harvey's. She was expecting something, an apology at the least.

A gut wrenching pain ripped through his stomach as a single-tear dripped down her face.

"Donna...", he clenched his fists are he tried to formulate all the words he wanted to tell her. He wanted to scream from the top of his lungs that he loved her more than anything in the world, that she was the only good thing in his life. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, and that she was the sole reason he was ever successful in his pursuits as a corporate lawyer. Everything he had and everything he was, was purely indebted to her, and only her. Donna Roberta Paulsen - the one, and only woman who could make him happy.

... But he couldn't. No matter how hard he wanted to tell her all these things, he couldn't.

dddddHarvey was unsure of how much time had passed while he was whisked away with his thoughts, but the furious, yet gorgeous red-head was still standing in front of him, pleading for him to say something... anything.

Harvey was fiercely ripped back to reality.

"What do you want from me Harvey?"

* * *

 _"Mummy, Mummy!" Amanda yelled and banged on their bedroom door. Harvey bounded from their bed and out the door._

 _"Shh, darling - let your mother sleep, she hasn't been well". Harvey swopped Amanda up in his arms, "annnnnd take-off", Harvey gasped, minicing the sounds and movements of a plane as Amanda broke out in laughter. He wrapped her in arms, walking over to the breakfast bar. Flicking on the coffee machine, he sat Amanda down in her high chair and pulled out a seat next to her. He whipped out his phone from the side pocket of his sweat pant and scrolled through the daily news and stock._

 _"Well is this absolutely picture perfect", Donna mumbled, stretching and yawning as she exited their bedroom._

 _Her glorious pregnancy glow was beaming throughout their entire apartment, with her 30 week baby bump poking out the bottom of pyjama singlet. An instant smile was bound to Harvey's face as he locked eyes with his perfect wife._

 _"Morning Mummy", Amanda mumbled as Donna kissed her forehead. Locking lips with Harvey, Donna embraced her handsome husband, realising that this, this moment right here, was all she ever wanted in her life._

* * *

"Harvey, what the hell is wrong with you", Donna tried to refrain from yelling - "do you hear me?"

Harvey was quickly brought back to reality as a small tear dropped down the side of her cheek.

"I just don't know what is wrong with me Donna." Harvey managed to articulate a small sentence, just the smallest percentage of what he really wanted to say to her. He wanted to yell from the top of a building how much he loved her, and how sorry he was.

"Well when you figure it out, let me know. Because, Harvey, I can't do this anymore". Donna finally disappeared down the hall, faster than Harvey could tell her to stop.

* * *

Donna had finally broke. Standing against the outside of Harvey's apartment door, tears flowed from her eyes and sobs uncontrollably escaped from her lips. As the pressure she was applying to his door slowly fell away, Harvey's face appeared from behind it.

"The way you snapped tonight, at Greg, Harvey, that isn't okay. Normal people don't just hit other people like that. You need to control your anger, otherwise you're going to get into serious trouble one day. I'm honestly not sure where "we" sit, one day you are the most perfect guy in the universe, and then some others; I don't even know who you are. I can't live a life like that, not with you. If you ever sort out your shit... oh who am I kidding, until you realise something is wrong, you won't bother to fix it. Until you do, you won't hear from me again. I don't need this anymore Harvey."

Donna's figure disappeared from the hallway.

Harvey pulled his phone from his pocket, and scrolled through his contacts.

Dialling, the receiver was answered almost instantly.

"Harvey!" Marcus' voice pounded through his phone. "What do I owe this honour? I haven't heard from your shit-ass in almost a year."

"I'm coming to visit - I need your help."

"Wait, did I hear you right? Hot-shot corporate lawyer needs help from his little brother? The world must be about to freeze over or something".

"Don't be an ass, I'll see you soon."

And with that, Harvey hung up the phone, backed his bags, and headed for the airport.

* * *

 _Donna placed the file on his desk._

 _"See, when you use your eyes, its really not that hard to find. My organisation skills are too good for you to lose shit. You should know that better than anyone."_

 _"Oh yeah, because its your organisation skills that make me love you", Harvey smirked, placing his hands on the side of his wife and the chief operating officer of his firm._

 _Donna placed a very petite kiss on the lips of her husband, completely aware of the blatant glass walls surrounding his office, and the young intern legal secretary sitting just outside._

 _"Down tiger", Donna laughed, as Harvey became a little too committed to her. "Whilst these walls are still glass, you get to look, not touch."_

 _"Well, why don't we pay the babysitter over time for this afternoon, and head to the Hilton penthouse suite that you love. Overlooking the city, right above your favourite little restaurant... what more could you want? I mean you have the most attractive husband in the world, you really live the life Donna Paulsen."_

 _Laughing at her goofy husband, who was playing with his signed balls next to the window, Donna couldn't imagine a more perfect scenario with the man she loved._

* * *

"Excuse me sir, but we are preparing for landing - please place your seat into an upright position, and open your window blind".

Time seemed to fly by when he was able to dream about how he wanted his life to be; his life just seemed to make so much sense when he imagined it with Donna.

After a rough landing, Harvey grabbed his bags and hailed a cab straight to Marcus' place.

"Harvey Reginald Specter, long time since you've ventured this far away from the city, it must be important", Marcus' announced, opening the door to reveal his brother.

"I need your advice."

"No fucking way. This I have to hear", he broke out in laughter.

"Look, just don't be an asshole, this is important."

"Okay, shoot." Marcus said as he slouched down on his lounge.

Harvey unclipped his suit and sighed - "I'm in love with Donna".

Marcus' quickly grew a smile. "Well it's about time you admitted it to yourself. We've all known it for a very long time."

"This is serious, I keep fucking up."

"Yeah, well sometimes love can be confusing. You need to seperate your protective instincts for Donna, from your love for her, otherwise you'll keep going around in circles until one day, Donna realises she doesn't need you in her life anymore."

Harvey had realised that it had already happened - he had let it get so bad, he wasn't sure how he could come back to show her how much she meant to him.

"Well thats easy for you to say - you've got it all sorted out, the wife, the kids, the business."

"Harvey, you have your name on the header of a Manhattan corporate law firm. Some people choose family, some choose business. You can't help the way you're wired, and what is important to you."

"Donna is important to me - that's all that matters. I'd give up everything I have to make her happy." By this point, Harvey was on the verge of tears - all he wanted was what his brother had. A successful business, but also a happy family - a wife and kids. At no point in his life did he imagine he would ever be jealous of his younger brother.

"What's stopping you?" Marcus asked, wondering how he got all the common sense out of the Specter brothers.

"I don't know how... how to make her happy, and how to love her, the way she deserves to be loved."

"It's simple - you tell her you love her, you make her feel wanted, and you stop acting like the piece of shit you have been for the past 15 years. It's not rocket science."

"All I want to do is make her happy."

* * *

After spending a few more hours with Marcus, Harvey jetted back to Manhattan. He had cleared his mind - soaring through the middle of New York City in his 67' Chevy was a sure-fire way to sort his shit out. After a while, he made his way to a very familiar building. Making his way up two flights of stairs, he placed a firm knock against the number '206' plastered across her apartment door.

"I'll get it", a man's voice echoed down through the door.

Opening the door, Harvey was greeted by a less that appealing sight. Greg opened the door, shirtless and sweaty.

"Donna", Greg called, trying to wiggle out of this encounter as quickly as possible. Donna could tell by the look on Greg's face before she even came in contact with Harvey.

"You shouldn't be here, Harvey. I have nothing to say to you." Donna had finally had enough of his bullshit.

"I need to talk to you. It's important."

"Like all the other "important" conversations we've had. I need you to leave me alone for a little while."

"Donna, please".

"She said leave" Greg interrupted.

Harvey clenched his fists and grabbed Greg by the collar. Exhaling a big gasp, he released him and walked away.

* * *

 **Leave a review if you enjoyed it please fam - encourages me to write quicker as I get an email as soon as someone reviews.  
**


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